Dear baby bro,
It’s 5.37 and I’ve done some mindset reading, fallen asleep during a quick guided mediation and now I’m going get my brave on and commit to something…… dum, da daaa……
I am going to lose 70 lbs and keep it off in the next year.
On my birthday this year (20 September), I said to Alan that I would not eat or buy chocolate, cake, pastries or sweets for myself or the girls for 365 days.
Story so far…
Since losing a shed load of weight in 2009 before going to Afghanistan and while out there, I have steadily fallen into extremely bad eating habits. The way I lost all the weight in the beginning was through Lighter Life. Shakes, bars and soups only for 3 months and I lost just under 3 stone I think it was.
I didn’t develop the healthy eating habits and appropriate mindset afterwards though and the weight crept back on. Through being pregnant with Brooke and the year maternity leave afterwards I managed to weigh more than I had before. After the ‘shite 5 months’ and in the years since, the weight has literally piled on and every attempt to lose weight has resulted in me becoming at least half a stone heavier! WTF? go figure that logic out cos I can’t!
So now, instead of only being 2 stone fatter than I was, I’m now 4 and a half!
This year has been particularly bad and every single day has been a battle with myself. you could say that I’ve been starting this challenge every day for 365 days of last year plus 14 days!
For the purposes of a clean slate though, I’ll take it that it’s taken me 14 so far.
I have set some goals like is recommended when embarking on some sort of life enhancing mission because ‘if you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there’?! Here goes:
- To wear size 10-12 clothes from any shop and feel comfortable in them by the end of March 2017
- To feel healthy, with no joint pain every time I stand up, and to eat only real food, through choice and habit.
- To feel confident and capable to complete a triathlon next summer.
What’s going to hold me back….
- I have a really persistent internal saboteur that’s a pain in the arse when it comes to me resisting sugar. So far on this mission she appears round about 7.30 every morning! That’s going to have to be dealt with. Stress, sadness, excitement and feeling overwhelmed are her best friends.
- I can’t say no when I’m offered something ‘yummy’ or when it’s around, calling to me to eat it. Because of the fact that I’ve been starting this mission every day for so long, every day ends up being like the ‘last supper’ with a complete binge of all the stuff I’m ‘not allowed’ in the foreseeable. Totally backward thinking I know and trust me, I’ve read enough books and articles to know that this logic is not logical at all and yet I still can’t seem to stop doing it. Or actually, start with the plan!
How’s today going to be any different….
See now, already I’ve had that sad, doubtful feeling in my chest that who am I kidding? It’s not going to be any different. who are you kidding? And seriously, no one is going to ever read this shit or want to for that matter. If you put it out there like this then all it’s going to do is prove to people how useless you are so really, I don’t think you should!
Let’s bust that crap:
- If I write it in a letter to Gumby then it feels like I’m managing to talk to you and I can hear you laughing and I can imaging how you’d respond and the support you’d be giving me. I miss having you around to tell my deepest darkest to and I think that’s half the problem. So, if I ‘put it out there’ so to speak then I know you’ve got my back 🙂 (and maybe one two other people might join you along the way who knows)
- I can do this. I’ve done it before, Hundred upon hundreds of other people have done it. What makes me so special? absolutely nothing that’s what! So just get on and f***ing do it! That’s what I’d be saying to myself if I was a friend of mine so that’s what I’m saying to me now
- I have lots of tools in my toolbox to do this. To start with I’m going to stick to the mighty Helen Bennett from Iron Maidens eating and exercise plan
Apparently you always need a why. Usually my why is that I want to lose weight by an event so that I can wear something lovely or so that I can teach my children good habits and so far, those don’t seem to be strong or motivating enough.
A why is important though because when it gets tough then you can focus on your why to help get you back on track. I understand that a why can change from time to time and I heard a really interesting thing the other day that you should dig deep into your why 5 times in order to get to the true reason so here goes:
- Why do you want to lose weight? because I feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed all the time
- why does that matter? because it’s stopping me from feeling happy and enjoying life
- why does that matter? because I feel numb all the time and disconnected from myself and the people in my life
- why does that matter? because it’s holding me back from feeling good about myself and my life and from doing all of the amazing things that I know I am capable of and from finding and ‘living my purpose’
- why does that matter? because I believe that it’s important for my girls to see that the most important thing to do in this life is to be happy and to live your best life. That you need to go for your dreams and make them happen because you don’t know when it’s going to be too late. I’m scared that by not going after my dreams and reaching my goals, I’ll be showing them that they can’t reach theirs.
So I guess after all that, my current why is:
I want to lose the weight , be pain free and healthy so that I can live my best life and to prove to the kids that if their mom can reach her goals, dream big and make things happen, then they can to.
Here’s to a successful day 1 🙂
Love you xxx